Losing a Job Can Feel Like Getting Dumped

Job Loss Hurts - Even for Employees Who Choose to Leave

Aug 2, 2009 Kathleen Klein

Few things in life can evoke such feelings of vulnerability and utter uselessness as being on the broken end of a breakup.

Whether it's the loss of a lover or loss of a career, dumped is dumped. Ending a job stirs up many of the same sick-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach feelings that occur when someone is kicked to the curb in a romantic situation. Even if the decision to leave the workplace is employee’s, even for the person who chooses to put a halt to a dysfunctional relationship that has lost all of its fun, being set free can make a person feel equal parts relieved and scared.

Jamie was a waitress at The Crab Cooker for 15 years when she got the bad news that the owner wanted to bring in younger girls to do the serving. Jamie was only in her mid-thirties - hardly over the hill. When she first took the job she brought with her the years of experience she had developed helping her family run their two fish markets. Her personality was bubbly and friendly. Losing her job left her feeling jilted. Some common thoughts ran through her head when faced with the loss of her workplace of 15 years.

Didn't They Like Her Anymore?

After an investment of any kind there are bound to be feelings of bereavement when it's over. Jamie thought she was doing a good job. Her evaluations were good, great in some categories. Yet something has been off kilter for the past few weeks or months. Under those circumstances an employee could begin to wonder if her employer just didn't like her anymore.

Many employees have experienced the feeling of walking into the office and there it is - the whispering. Or the talking stops all together and no one will make eye contact. The cliques are out of control. The boss doesn't appreciate accuracy over speed. Coworkers who initially trained continue to make mistakes but condescend to others for making any. The hours constantly change. What the job actually entails doesn't match the job description anymore. Everybody else in the office seems to hit it off except for the unlucky person who feels the need to evaporate from the workplace. What's going on?

Who Gets Custody?

If the job move is completely out of the company this may not be a problem. But if the transfer is to a different department in the same building, bumping into coworkers from the job left behind could be an issue. Saying "hi" in the cafeteria doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Some people may get along better with former coworkers now that they aren't be working together any longer.

What about the hurt feelings? Who gets to stay friends with the gals from EVS or the courier? Who keeps the loyalties of DocuTeam and the guys from the shredding company?

If, like Jamie, the employee works in the service industry, she may run into customers at her new place of employment. (Or Fed Ex could show up at the new office and it will be like old home week.) As with joint custody, favorite customers might still be enjoyed but at the new digs. Though not as tough by any means as figuring out visiting days for the kids, a heart might be broken with a few snubs, but if the employee can grin and bear it and move on she will find that with the new job comes new allies.

Will Another Job Come Along?

A common mantra these days is "Be thankful you have a job." But what if that job is no longer? The fear of never finding another one can throw the most positive thinker into a funk. There is a saying that says something like in order to grab the next gold ring the hand must first let go of what it is holding now.

Letting go can be easier said than done. Letting go of most things means having faith that control is not necessary. When a job ends, that can be a perfect time let go of the wheel. That doesn't mean don’t look for another job. It doesn't mean don't go to school. What it means is for each person to do what can be done and have to faith that the rest will be taken care of. Put out résumés. Take classes. Be open to getting into a new line of work. Each person must follow her own heart's path.

A New Beginning

A delicate psyche can take a long time to heal. Whether loss of a love or a job, there is a road back to normalcy. Collect phone numbers of colleagues to stay in touch with. Get a letter of reference from the boss, if feasible. Then take a few days (or more, if possible) to regroup and focus on relaxing before starting down that new career path. There’s another old saying that says an ending is really nothing more than a new beginning.

The copyright of the article Losing a Job Can Feel Like Getting Dumped in Career Advice is owned by Kathleen Klein. Permission to republish Losing a Job Can Feel Like Getting Dumped in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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